I don’t think anyone looks forward to conflict, at least not anyone who believes in Jesus and takes his teachings to heart. It sure isn’t something I like to talk about and you probably don’t either coz it tends to threaten the sense of peace we all want. So, I hope no one has left church today when they saw the title to the message – “Faith and Conflict.” It surely isn’t my intention to upset you or push anyone out of church! Please stay and hear me out! This definitely isn’t a topic I look forward to preaching on, but the Holy Spirit urged me to have faith and give it a go, so I am!
Conflict’s something none of us are immune from, no matter how good and right we try to live. In a sinful, fallen world, we’re bound to have disagreements. And sadly so, even for good Christian people and the church, there’re no exceptions. I’ll bet everyone here has had some sort of experience of conflict in the church and among people of faith in Jesus Christ.
Jesus knew it would happen, even among people created in the image of God. That doesn’t mean we’re perfect and have things figured out to embrace full righteousness. We might (hopefully) be trying to walk all the ways of integrity and strive for perfection, but we’re still works in progress. That’s why we’re here and Jesus is there, but still lives among us as the Holy Spirit to guide us along the way toward kingdom life. John Wesley said we’re going on to perfection, and he also said we could be made perfect in this life – perfect in love. If that’s our goal, then by faith, we can overcome a lot of things with love, even conflict.
So, here before us are Jesus’ guidelines for helping us resolve conflict; conflict in the church. Interestingly, “church” (Gk. ekklesia – the called-out ones) appears only 3 times in the 4 gospels, all in Matt., and about 111-120 times in the NT.
When we first hear this passage, I think our initial response often is: “Huh-uh, Jesus! There’s no way I’m doing this, no matter how much faith I have in you. In this world, if I pull somebody aside who sinned against me and call ‘em out, they might knock me down with a punch or worse yet, pull out a knife or gun and try to take me out. No way I’m following your advice!”
But it was never Jesus’ intention for this to be the way to resolve conflict with just anybody. And actually, Jesus puts before us a really simple, good-sense resolution. It’s for believers who sin against each other within the church. My Study Bible notes state it well: “They were meant for (1) Christians, not unbelievers, (2) sins committed against you and not others, and (3) conflict resolution within the church and not the community at large.”
It goes on to say that Jesus’ words aren’t a license for a frontal attack for every person who hurts or offends us, nor are they a way to start a destructive gossip campaign or church trial. They’re a way to help reconcile those who disagree so all people in the body of Christ can live in peaceful friendship and harmony again.
I’m not sure how much Jesus’ words are practiced today, but if we aren’t, maybe we should. And maybe we don’t have a good accounting of their use, because if the first encounter truly is just between 2 people before it gets dragged out and talked about behind backs or in “parking lot meetings,” true confidentiality can happen and maybe not many, if any, others know about the disagreement in the first place.
The Apostle Paul addresses this subject in Eph. 4:25-27: “Therefore, each of you must put off all falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” In other words, take care of it together right away and it won’t get so bad.
If conflict still isn’t resolved, then bring in a couple of other trusted leaders of the church and let them help. If that doesn’t fix it, then maybe it’ll have to come before the whole church. But if it’s still treated with faithful wisdom, integrity, and love, it won’t become a “drug thru the mud” deal.
And note what Jesus says about one who still refuses to listen and won’t let it go. “Treat him/her like you would a pagan or a tax collector.” Now, maybe you’re like me here. I used to think: “Whoa – just throw ‘em out and be done with that low life!” But now, esp. reading the NT again – look at how Jesus interacts with the outcasts – Gentiles and tax collectors! He eats with them, heals them, even calls them to be his disciples! He loves on them despite their past and how they’re currently living. As the church, we’re called to let go, let God, and do the same. Are we up to it?
Maybe the true Christ-like resolution has to first come from within us. When we live by faith and get ourselves right with the Lord from the inside out, our interactions with each other, esp. other believers will just flow better; like streams of living water. In the preaching notes for this passage on the Discipleship Ministries website, there was a neat story I’d like to share with you.
The author, once a PK and now a pastor remembered growing up back in the day. I can relate and maybe you can, too. He said that when he was a kid, you had 3 different wardrobes: everyday clothes, school or work clothes, and church clothes. It got a little fuzzy between what was for everyday and school, but hardly ever for the church clothes. They were distinct and special. If the family was going to a fancy event, the mom would say to put on “church clothes” and the kids knew exactly what she meant.
The author said that the funny thing about “church clothes” was that they weren’t just nicer looking and worn less often, but when mom said to put on “church clothes” it meant more than the actual clothes that were put on the body. “Church clothes” didn’t just look a certain way; they were also worn a certain way.
It meant wearing those clothes a special way – to put on a “church attitude;” like certain things were expected when that outfit was worn. In other words – be sure to keep it clean, but not just in the laundering sense. Keep it clean in thought, word, and attitude; how others are treated, in what’s said about them even behind their backs.
When we changed out of those church clothes, did we leave our church attitudes behind, too? Jesus hopes not! Maybe his hope and prayer is that how we behave and treat each other in church, even if it comes to conflict, will spill over into our everyday lives. I believe Jesus hopes we’ll have faith enough to live with church attitudes of love, friendship, comradery all the time, in church and outside it, too, as we love each other as we love ourselves and work it out and forgive each other, even in the face of conflict, as we choose to love instead.
Listen to this little scenario that might help put all this in a better perspective:
Reader 1: This Gospel message for today sure is a tough one!
Reader 2: Yeah! Can you imagine doing exactly what it says? I don’t think so!
Reader 1: I know it’s talking about forgiveness and redemption, but I don’t like the idea of confrontation and witnesses and all that stuff.
Reader 2: I can’t imagine what that would be like. You know, so many times people get their feelings hurt and think that everyone’s against them. I know that I’ve said some things that have probably hurt someone else’s feelings, even if I didn’t mean to. I think we all do that.
Reader 1: Well, the Gospel lesson says you should to go the person and point out the fault. I guess that means that the one who is hurt should speak up and try to resolve the matter.
Reader 2: It’s not as easy as that! Jesus wants us to live in compassionate, loving relationships with others, and that means admitting when we are wrong and facing the ones whom we have wronged. That’s tough stuff!
Reader 1: Jesus never made it easy for anyone. He expected us to learn about tough love, the kind that is willing to be forgiving and recognizes hurts and wounds.
Reader 2: What it boils down to is, think before you speak. How you would like to be treated. Respond instead of react. Wow, we have lots to learn, don’t we?
Conflict is meant to be resolved, not ramped up with more conflict. As much as we dream of and pray for living in peace in a world without conflict, we’re not there yet. Jesus chose to love and commands us to love. The sacrifice has been made. Now we remember and go on in faith and lead, live, and love with grace. With the Holy Spirit living in us, we can do this! Thanks be to God for when 2 or 3 are gathered in Jesus’ name, he is with us. Amen.